Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
