I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
