It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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