nut hugger
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
