I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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