I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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