I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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