he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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