I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
