he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
