Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
