I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
