I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Damn victory sex feels great
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
