we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
