Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
