I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
