i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
