Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
