lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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