got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
