Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When are your genitals available?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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