Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
