I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
