where am i from again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
