Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
