i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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