I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
