So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
