Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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