Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize