I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please come you make the beer taste better
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
