I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize