i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize