Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
