don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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