insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
