I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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