Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
