omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
