based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize