Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
