I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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