How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
