Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
