You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
