My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
