My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
