Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
