I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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