so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
