I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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