this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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