you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
