the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
