he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
