i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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