Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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