We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
