There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
