No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
