If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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