So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
