i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
