Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
