if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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