Sry I called you an 8
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
